To: Charlotte Bailey

Do not, repeat do not confuse dishwashing liquid with dishwasher liquid. Dishwashing liquid is in fact washing up liquid in N America and when used in the dishwasher creates giant foam monster that pours through what one naively assumes are the watertight seals on the edges of the dishwasher dorr. First tried to scoop the pouring tide of foam into kitchen sink but that immediately filled up with foam that would not die so then had to fill buckets with foam and run and throw them out on the deck. When he finally responded to my shrieks for assistance and wandered downstairs he (most unusually) had the good idea that we should sprinkle the small sachet of dishwasher powder that came free with the machine over the foam. Surprisingly, it did in fact kill the beast. But left everything very wet and foamy afterwards and him very smug.

To: Nell Fenton
Re: The Beast

Didn't the size of the bottle alert you? Any sign of missing saucepans yet?

To: Darren Goon
Where's the saucepans?! Or i'll ask the imaginary friend to kiss you :)